Stay Conversations

By: Jill Thomas

It’s human nature to seek assurance that we belong, not just at the beginning of a relationship, but along the way too. In the educational sector, questions of belonging are built into the cycle of the year with district budget cuts, decisions about retaining folks or hiring new ones, and many teachers themselves often wondering each spring if they have found their career or a stepping stone to it. 

As a retention-focused organization, The Teaching Well has designed and coaches clients towards a strategy used to steward our most important resources, the human beings who work in the organization. It’s called the “Stay Conversation.”

“Stay Conversations” give you a venue for communicating the value you see in your employee. They allow for deeper alignment. It’s a trauma-informed way to quiet the internal narratives around belonging or imposter syndrome that so often disrupt our efficacy. If those weren’t sufficient reasons to employ the “Stay Conversation,” for leaders who are navigating change management rife with difficult conversations, this practice can be a rainbow on a cloudy day, quite literally soothing the amygdala and bringing our more rational selves to the table. 

So how does it work?

Authenticity is key. You won’t find a script here, but rather a model of what it might sound like. We know leaders are busy, so here’s a mnemonic to help you remember:

S: Share examples of values alignment and impact (i.e., positive student outcomes and adult culture contributions).

T: Tell them directly that you want them to stay!

A: Align on benefits, shifts, growth areas, support needs that you have clarity on

Y: Yield the floor to questions.

Now let’s listen for what this might sound like:

S: You are the embodiment of our value of collective care, consistently offering support to colleagues. Your peer coaching and 10% increase in literacy scores are phenomenal.

T: I’m hoping you feel this daily, but just in case, I absolutely want you to return next year.

A: In addition to COLA, you’ll increase on the salary band, which is a $4,000 salary increase. I am wondering if you are open to taking on a second resident with an additional prep, of course?

Y: What questions do you have that I should look into prior to the new school year starting?

“Stay Conversations” don't have to be long-winded or specially-calendared events. In fact, they can be part of your regularly scheduled meetings. 

Now let’s somatically explore the “Stay Conversation.”  Imagine yourself being approached by your supervisor or manager and hearing positive feedback about your contributions (S). What do you notice as you hear this affirmation? For some of us, our self-doubt might begin to ease. For others, we might think, “Oh no! Where is this going?” because we aren’t used to hearing praise in isolation, but rather as the bread of a feedback sandwich. Now imagine your supervisor or manager follows up with a clear no-two-ways-about-it statement that they want you to stay next year (T). Do you feel your shoulders drop? Can you take a deeper breath?

Knowing you are wanted is the first step in building a mutual choosing. Retention is a two way street, so let’s make sure we are paving the way to longevity.